Surviving to Thriving: The Holidays
Surviving & Thriving at Holiday Gatherings
During this season some people are reminded of great memories. On the flip side, others cringe when the weather starts to change because of spoiled memories of bad holidays experiences.
But, whether you love or angst the holidays, here are some practical steps in dealing with gatherings – in person or online – that may help turn stress into an adventure.
- Lower Your Expectations.
This many sound incredibly silly, but when you expect less, you gain more. Let go of perfection. Allow for mistakes.
Below are steps you can apply to lower expectations:
- Show-up for an Adventure.
If you have agreed ‘show-up’ it can be healthy and rewarding if view the occasion as a new adventure. In person or online, reframe the gathering to a place you’ve never been. Try to see new things; be curious.
- Listen.
“True listening requires setting aside of ones self” – Scott Peck
I can’t tell you how many times I failed to engage with someone because I was thinking of what to say next. Try to set aside your judgements so you can be available to listen and be curious. Don’t know what to ask? Try one of these 101 questions https://bit.ly/3lMX5c
2. Bearing Presence.
And I don’t mean presents. Holidays are not about presents. They are about being together. They are about people, humanity, and love. There are even helpful ways to encourage the rest of your group to ‘un-gift’ this year, try here for ideas
3. Practice Good Boundaries.
1st Set a line. 2nd Speak up. 3rd Enforce your boundary with loving actions.
We make boundaries because we want to be close to someone and the thing they are doing is causing us to pull away. – when we really want to come closer. Make boundaries to help you connect in more fulfilling ways. Watch a short 90 second video on boundaries here, by yours truly: https://bit.ly/35IomY6
4. Have an Escape Plan.
I am explicitly talking to the people who are growing in anxiety about being around the family, even online. Let’s face it, some of us have toxic families. If the worse happened, if you feel unsafe – or you need a ‘time-out’ because you are triggered – I encourage you to get up and move. As adults, we are no longer trapped as we were as children. We can stand up remove ourselves from a toxic situation.
Please remember to call someone if you feel you’re slipping into the abyss of darkness. If you struggle with toxic thought patterns or depression, please have a safe person to call – try making plans with a friend to call before you have your family gathering. If you don’t have someone to call or want to be anonymous – click here for a phone number or an online chat https://bit.ly/36MQVDi
Until next time.